Change

Changes... Feels like a so simple word.. means a thing that is not how it used to be. Well,it can have a plenty of other meanings.
It is a source of happiness for some whereas it can be a thing that can make some other person sad.
Well,you might be thinking how absurd topic have I chosen to write on.. but yes, this topic.. this "change" is the thing that has been killing me since last few weeks. Everyone goes well but boom!.. there is something that starts ruining things up.. for some it is starts making things up but from my side of story.. things are getting ruined.. everything.
I consider my friend group as my world.. I consider it my world but I don't know where in the making of this world I went wrong.. so wrong that after that.. nothing went like "my world"... And the sad part is that I stopped trying... I stopped giving a damn. The question that might have raised in your head is why.. why did you stop trying.. it was because I was betrayed by someone whom I considered my blood. I was betrayed by someone from my group.. someone from my world.
Okay... I have been betrayed... Everything happened.. and the next question that must have been raised in your head is.... Did I forgive him.?
*Chuckle.
How can I not forgive him... He is my own.I have created him this way... Yes.. I forgave him.. but with that.. I also forgot him. I forgot his existence. I forgot everything about him.
Next question up.. Do I miss him.?
*Chuckle again
Hell yeah I do. Why won't I miss him. But, the only thing that doesn't allow me to go near him again is the fear of getting hurt again.
I am hurt. I am lost.
I used to be the creator of my own world,but since last few days I have completely given that up on my fate. I am ready to go wherever it takes me.I am ready to do whatever it wants me to do.
What have I become.. even I don't know. It feels like.. I am slowly destroying myself.I know I am the creator of everything happening around me.. happening with me....but for some reason or another now,I don't feel like controlling it.
I am too tired of the burden. I just want to let it go. Let everything go. I just want to be a rock beside a river slowly grating by time.. seeing the river flow. I just want to stay still. I want to stay calm. I just want to be a spectator of my life.
Okay... Did the change thing end here.. just on betrayal... Naah.!.. Everyone knows God has his own way of checking people...may be this is my test to see how I handle things.. but.. I give up.. too cheesy dialogue from some movie is it?!?.. but no. Honestly,I am completely sick of everything so I give up. I surrender to whatever is happening around me. I want things to be how they used to be before.. but these "changes" have ruined everything.Despite of much introspection I am unable to get the proper reason why the things changed... But whatever the reason was all I know today is that yes.. things changed.. and that too not for good but for worse.
To be very frank I don't want any of my people to read this because I don't want any sympathy or I don't want to listen "everything will be back to normal".. not because I have lost my trust that nothing's gonna be normal but because I have lost trust in my people-sad but true.... And this the thing reason I don't want them to read this.. I just wanted to speak my things out.. so here I went all emotional and everything.
Ah.! So much of depressing stuff ...is it.. but don't worry.. I love my life..I will be here..to check my limits.. to check to what extent I can survive everything.I will be here... To check myself... to know myself more deeply.I will be here... And I will be back again here...when I am too lost to decide with whom to share all these things... Although this doesn't mean I don't have people to share things with.. It means..I don't have much of the power to decide whom to tell.. and what all to tell...
There is a proper storm of emotions in me,a complete storm.. something I am unable to handle.. but I know somewhere deep inside.. there is something with me and with the people beside me...I will have to handle it. I will have to survive it and I will survive it.

A promise kept!

I think the worst thing of once’s life is to see your friend... Your very good friend sad for some reason or other..... He might deny the fact that he’s sad but you come to know that something’s wrong or not well once he goes out of *HIS* mood. At that time the thing that immediately crosses my mind is. Give up everything .. Do everything that you can to make the one in *HIS* mood again.

[[There are times when time and fate start playing a game with you. Times...circumstances..all at one side making your team a weak one but *we promise *we’ll be there even at those times to be by your side(this is our oath to you.) ;) :’)]]

 “Her” name always makes him lost. His mood gets ruined everytime we speak of “her” in front of him.He always seems to get lost in his own thoughts..his bunch of memories...on hearing “her” name. 

Is this we call “love”?

Deep ain't it?

May be not.. Or yes may be. *confused*

I finally decided to ask about “her” to him because for us his past relationship was(may be is) a mystery. He never wants to talk about it.... But I wanted to know.... I was curious to know what keeps killing him everytime he hears “her” name.

That day he was happy. We were on phone since last 2 hours when I asked “are you waiting for her?”..... He chuckled and replied.. “pta nahi!”. There was a dead silence until I broke it with “kya pta nahi”.. To which he replied “mujhe nahi pata...mujhe nahi pata..nahi..nahi..mujhe kuch nahi pta”.

His these lines made me realise how much he liked “her” ..Or better loved “her”.. Or how hard he had fallen for “her”.

That day I realized something --”There is no word called *intense* for feelings..cuz that intensity can never be measured...as every time it rises a bit high.” . Yes.. I guess this is what they call love.

And thus this gives me the reply to all those quotes and sayings that you can see on facebook almost daily. Also my respect for him has reached to heights now that even words can’t express.

The conversation ended with me finding myself in shortage of words and then I finally said “tera na.....mtlb.... M Speechless” to which he replied “mera na..mera na...pta nahi..mujhe kuch samajh me h nahi aata h..kyunki mujhe pta h nahi ki mujhe karna kya chahye”.

These were some of the answers or rather facts that I got to know after our conversation.

I don’t understand how can someone leave without even saying goodbye to a person who loves them so bad that even today when the question comes about the person’s happiness .. Other one is ready to give his everything for her.

Shit man!.. This is crap.

People say it is amazing to be in relationship... but f*ck.. When I see such people it seems that it’s absolutely crap and it actually makes me sad.

I don’t know how to conclude this.. because even today there are several questions in my mind and heart which are unanswered.

After knowing all of this I don't know what lies ahead of him ... I don't know where would the destiny or as we might call it.. take him..I just know that he's a good friend and above all  he's a good human......a kind you don't meet everyday! :')

So.. in the end I just hope that he finds his way to his happiness be it that *girl* or anyone else .. I just really really hope and wish that he finds his way soon enough! :) :')

 

hello 2016 ! ^_^

Hey there.! Yes you!.. I hope you have an awesome year ahead :) !

2015 is gone and 2016 is here.. Well 2015 was kinda roller coaster ride for me which changed a lot of thing happening around me. Oh well wait, I just realized not much has changed. Actually there has just been one change but it feels like a huge one.

"I graduated from high school and step my feet in college."

It feels like just one sentence but the whole transition changes you a lot. May be somewhere in between this transition I grew up. Umm.. Although i know my friends will deny this (;)).. But the person I am now and what I was in high school..there’s a whole lot of difference.

So, since it is new year.. Time to go on for resolutions and stuff.. I won’t promise that I’ll do these things.. But I can promise that I’ll try my best to do these.

One of them is blogging at particular intervals and the other one to be regular with my diary.

I will also try to learn new things this year and will try to be a better person to what I’m now at the end of the day. 

I want to look back next year and exclaim “wohoo..! I improved so much.. And I’m proud of myself”.

Well,enough of “I, me and myself” stuff...overall there’s a lot a learn... To explore..and to move on in this new year.

I hope everyone out there finds a reason to smile everyday!.

I hope everyone has a amazing everyday this year.

:) 

Unknown caller!

Yesterday,it rained a lot. Many electricity poles and trees fell down. Some even got uprooted. Because of these the electricity connection in our area was hampered for aboout 8 hours.It was dark in the evening when our whole family was sitting together in our drawing room and discussing some issues when my father's phone rang. Seeing an unknown number he picked it up with a question mark on his face.

Dad    : Hello!
Caller : Han hello... Mishra ji bol rahe hain kya? (Is this Mr. Mishra speaking?)
Dad    : Han bol rha hun. (Yes.. its me speaking)
Caller : Pandit ji, mera grah nakshatra.. theek nahi chal rha hai.(Pandit ji, I'm going though really hard time).
Dad    : Kya ho gya hai grah-nakshatra ko.. btaiye to sahi.. (What has happened?.. tell me)
Caller : ni.. bs aap aakhri sahara hain....btaiye me kya kru? (You are my last ray of hope. Please tell me what should i do?)
Dad    : Ji.. pehle aap ye to btaiye ki apki pareshani kya hai.,.? (First of all.. tell me what is your problem?)
Caller : Pandit ji..mera kuch aacha nahi chal rha hai..meri biwi se hamesha ladai chalta hia... beta baat nahi manta hai.. aur business bhi theek nahi chl rha hai. (Pandit ji.. nothing is going well in my life.. I have fights with my better half almost regularly... my son doesn't listen to me and even  my business is not going well.)
Dad    : Kya ho gya business ko? (What happenned to your business?)
Caller : Pandit ji... mera hardware & sanitary ka shop hai,... prr wo bhi theek nhi chl rha hai.. (Pandit ji.. I own a shop of hardware & sanitary... and the business is not at all going well).
Dad    : Kyu ? Kya ho gya?? (Why? What happened?)
Caller : Areh.. kya batayein Pandit ji..abhi tk 2 baar chori ho chuki haidukaan me. Ab samajh me nahi aa rha hai.. kaun haath dho krr k aise mere peeche lag gya hai? (Pandit ji.. my shop has been hit by thief two times. I don't really get it.. who has been after me so much..)
Dad    : Accha aacha..!! (ok.. ok !!)
Caller : pandit ji.. ab aap hi aakhiri sahara bache hain........btaiye ki main kya kru ki meri lyf theek ho jaye...sab kuch theek theek chalne lage.. (Pandit ji.. you are my only sorce of hope..please tell me what should I do to get rid of this bad time?)
Dad    : aacha aap ek kaam kijiye.. apna date of bith.. bith time and place mujhe text krr dijiye...(ok...              so you text me your date of bith.. birth time and birth place).
Caller : Main aapko WATSAPP krr deta hun.(I'll WATSAPP it to you)
Dad    : Apk paas wats app ka number hai??.. ye number jispe aap baat krr rrhe hian.. y e to wats app                se connected nahi hai... ( Do you have my watsapp number? cuz the number though which                  we are talking is not connected on watsapp.)
Caller : Theek hai.. to wo aap mujhe send krr dijiye.. phir me uspe saare details bhej dunga.. and          kundali ki bhi pic kheech k bhej dunga..(ok..!you text me that number and then I'll send you   all the details including the pic of my kundali)
Dad    : Han.. theek hai..! (Ok ok.. fine)

The call lasted for about 4-5 minutes.As soon as Dad cut down the phone.. everyone went into a fit of laughter. My dad din't message him his other number. He also didn't call back. may be he realized that he called a wrong number or anything else but the thing ... despite of being technically sound..(being on watsapp) he person had such blind faith in "pandit ji" that he is the only one who can make him get rid of all his problems, disappointed me.

It is this undying and blind faith of people that some frauds take advantage of.We have witnessed many such cases in near past including "Asharam Bapu ji" as well as the case of "Nirmal baba"but still people don't take lessons from these. They search for shortcuts for doing everything and in it they consider these frauds to make them happy in life or to make them get their desired wishes fulfilled . They forget that "GOD helps those who help themselves".

The need of the day is to have believe in self and that GUARDIAN who has designed you to live this life. One should always remember that as darkness is followed by light.. similarly bad times is followed by good ones. Nothing stays forever..! We should just have faith.. -ON RIGHT THINGS.
We are the future citizens of India. It is on us what we want for ourselves and through what way..If each and everyone of us pledge that we will accomplish our dreams but only though hard work and our will power.. and we won't try to get into the trap of those frauds.. the day won't be far when our country will be free of such people and it will once again become a better place to live in. :)

...cuz they give meaning to lyf! :)

           "Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest...
             Its about who came and never left your side.."
When I look around I find about 8-9 such people.... yeah! It might be a bit hard to believe but yes.. may be I don't know what true friendship means or I am a bit too extraordinarily lucky. I would prefer going with the later as being a disciple of "THE SECRET" you can never go with the negative part.. {As you think..so you become!}
Philosophies apart.. I have seen various phases in mu life and there have been times when I was completely shattered and broken down to pieces.It was this time that those people proved their existence and held me upright...and joined me to "myself" again.So, how can i doubt the fact that I am a bit too extraordinarily lucky!The conversation with all these people remind me with the tumblr " having those weird conversations with your friends and thinking if anyone ever heard us.. we would be put in a mental hospital".. :) .. I know some of them since class 4th.. some from class 5th.... some from class 7th.. some from class 11th and even some since just last 45 days!yeah!
You know what? I'm someone who might take 4-5 months to get completely free to interact with a person whereas this is the same me who also gets closer to a person in jst 3-4 days by jst chats on facebook! (facebook.. the miracle you see.. :P :D ).. After having a look on aol these happenings in my life i come to the conclusion that i should say.. yeah! it happens! ;) :)

All of the people about which I'm talking over here ..I guess they know me -the crazy me,the insane me..-THE REAL ME...which most of the people are unaware of.Sometimes I think that even my family members aren't totally aware of what i truly am...well yeah! that's true in most of the cases. The people (my bffs) know me and love me the way I am. I guess that's the best thing about friendship. You respect uniqueness.You don't have to change for anyone.You can comfortably be yourself and be loved for it.You know all the good and bad about the person and vice versa but yet choose to be seen with them in crowd-despite knowing how crazy you are-what can be better??

Despite of all these there is a very thin line between love and friendship but yet they both are far apart.I have heard people say "Boys-girls can never be friends" and on listening/reading this... I'm always like.. WTF!!..because in people whom i call my bffs ..there are just 3 girls.. (LOL!:D ;) )

i care about and think about each and every one of 'em and vice versa..that's what you get in a true friendship .. ain't it? you get back everything you give to you friend rather multiplied!.I think even if i talk to my bffs after a gap of an year or so...I don't think the differences will ever grow . we'll be talking as if we jst talking yesterday becuz "friends are connected from heart to heart...... time and distances can't ever break 'em apart". 

 I talk to people about my bffs when I miss them and many a times those people come to the conclusion that I have a crush on them.. (:D.. lol! ).. but no.. obviously not.. its just the friendship and the memories shared with them.. which makes me talk about 'em. However.. let me tell you (top secret.. :P ) most of them are committed.. so even if i try.. i don't stand a chance. :P :D (kidding!).

The main difference that I find between love and friendship is that you don't always have to think before speaking as in " if I say this he /she might get hurt " and bla bla.... but when it comes to their relationship partners.. people are always like.." should I say this?? will he/she approve this" etc etc.. In short you can't be as free as friendship when in relationship . despite evrything the fact that "Friends are always there to hold you when love walks out of your life" always stands true.!

People say "pyaar krr k dekho..kya cheez hoti hai.."... but I say "true friendship experience krr k dekho.. pyaar ko bhi maat (defeat) de deti hai..". :) :)

 #life_gives_us_number_of _beautiful_friends_but_only_true_friends_can_give_us_a _beautiful _life! :)
#thankyou_guyzz_for_always_being_there!
#thankyou_GOD_for _giving_me_such_amazing_persons_in_my_life.

alien place turned "best"

15th of June 2013.. yes this was the day when i started in my new boarding school the alien place (as i used to call it) "D.P.S. BHILAI". I was admitted in class 11th in the school.However I joined hostel a day late because of the delay in completion of hostel norms. As soon as i entered the place I saw few girls peeping from the door to have my look "the new girl of SG6".Till that time i was known by my parents' name as in " she is d daughter of so and so " but i guess that was the first time when warden ma'am asked dad " are you Apurva's father" that i realized now my parents will be known by my name over here and that "Things change over time".
The first impression of  that place wasn't a very good one . I believe in supernaturals and the aura of that place when i entered wasn't a very good one-may be it was because that was what i was thinking or because of the warden's rough tone or whatever it was....all i was feeling at that time was "I shouldn't have come to this place".All those moments and memories spent in my previous school with my friends , teachers, parents, family  were coming to me as a flashback.I was all mute at that time. 
I was left in hostel and my parents went back to their hotel. I went to my room and managed my stuff in the almirah. I was kinda prepared to live in a hostel because i knew that after completion of class 10th I was to leave my home but in such a hostel where no phones are allowed that was something unexpected.Despite of my mental preparation i had a hard time sleep that night..my first night in hostel!
The next day was a tough day altogether. First of all the assembly which i considered not less than a crowd was extremely tiring not because it was long or something because the place was suffocating. At that time i got to know what a "crowd" really means.My parents came to meet me in school that day and i had a hard time control my tears and emotions infront of them. It was my persistence that i was admitted in this school and at that time i wanted to ask my parents to take me away from that place. Seeing me crying mumma too had a hard time struggle with her tears and my father was in dilemma.. "whom should i ask to stop crying first".
Then in the evening we got PHONE... to talk to our homes. Although it was Tuesday i.e not the phone day (we were given phone only on Saturday and Sunday or on b'day of closest relatives) but we got phone because everyone of our batch were continually shredding tears and warden ma'am was having a hard time control 22 of us together. ;) Everyone cried that day..everyone!   

Days kept passing and slowly I made friends and after that the "masti-fever" as we called it.. never seemed to come to an end. I had a very memorable time in this place be it the excitement of first time coming back home or preparations of farewell of our warden ma'am.... be it our seniors' farewell or be it the excitement of becoming the seniors of hostel.... be it the craze of joining coaching or the excitement of living in pg for the first time... be it the excitement of getting farewell (better to say wearing sarree ;) :P ) or the excitement of celebrating new year away from home for the first tym.....!

Undoubtedly i will always cherish those moments in my heart.I want to go back to that place... I want to live those moments again. I hope that all was possible but unfortunately it isn't.

I guess all hosteller oops.. sry "boarders" ;) of my batch will agree to this that we all again want to go back to that place .. the place we called hell.. we want to go back there once again.. live those moments again... tease each other again.... find out moments to pull each others leg again.. :')